The morning of the day I turned the big four-0 I brought the newspaper in to consume with my morning cup of coffee. It was a Sunday so the paper had more sections than a Siamese orange. I glanced down the page from the headline to find the newsprint was indistinct, like someone had poked me in both eyes. I was sitting on a stool the paper was before me on the kitchen counter but I picked the paper up and held it as far away from me as my arms would reach. Still unable to read I spun around on my stool and dropped the entire paper on the floor. Now it was very far away and really out of focus. What a cruel trick: my eye warranty had expired over night. Too late to read the fine print now.
I made an appointment that week to get my eyes checked and as you might suspect the Optician was a costly trip even with excellent medical coverage.
Getting accustomed to wearing glasses was difficult for me. I have been in computer service for years. It’s very important to be able to use all of your senses when troubleshooting. Poor eyesight is a detriment to satisfactory job performance. The style of glasses in those days was … well do you remember the movie Tootsie? My glasses were not so flattering, and they were a bother to put on, then take off. On and on it went everyday. To see or not to see, that is the question.
Finally this year I found an optician who said they now make bifocal contacts. Excuse my ignorance – I never knew.
Naturally I have grown used to glasses in the intervening years, but my ego has always desired to ditch the specs. Yes, frames have gotten lighter and smaller never the less my eyesight has not improved. I have been wearing light framed, smallish lenses that are bifocal. Of course, that “perfect area” of clear vision can sometimes be illusive. People observing you as you slowly move your head up and down searching for some clarity like you are somewhat feeble minded.
My eye doctor provided me with contact training:
I spent quite a bit of time with my vision specialist learning the proper care and feeding of them, and hearing about the need for near sterile hands when putting them in and taking them out. The first week I spent nearly a half an hour every day trying to get the right one in. I’m pretty sure they are manufactured out of owl snot, and can disappear right on your cheek. You know you can’t keep your glasses on when you are putting contacts in, don’t you? The process goes something like this: you take your contact out of it’s little bath and get it in the exact right position on your right index finger, then you have to dry all the other fingers on both hands. Hopefully the contact is still on the tip of your right index. I won’t even tell you that it is possible to invert a lens. Now take your left hand up over the top of your head and with one or two fingers trap your eyelid and yank it up toward your forehead, and at the same time take the middle finger of your right hand and pull down on your lower eye socket until it reaches your upper lip and you have a good view of your pupil. Now quickly jab the contact on before … Oh, too late your eye in a desperate attempt at survival and self preservation has slammed closed.
Now that I have been doing this operation for a month it has gotten easier. The clarity with glasses is about an order of magnitude better than with contacts – at least for me. So I still don’t wear contacts every day, and I don’t wear them to my Weight Watchers meeting when I do my weekly weight in.
I can take my glasses off before I get on the scale.
Did you think I was going thru the hassle of removing my contacts to gain that whisper of the weight of a dust ball advantage. The thought had crossed my mind.