No one can be in the presence of a puppy, and not realize “the dog” as a creature is mostly mouth. Yes, they have that cute little puppy nose and they keep it moist with that cute little puppy tongue. They do that because it makes their already amazing sense of smell go super double dog ballistic. Puppy sight, and puppy gallop are not all that developed yet, but puppies have more technology in their nose than an atomic submarine. They can return to the same spot on the carpet time and time again, long after “spot shot” has worked it’s wonder, and no visible sign of their signature mark remains. Which begs the question; why is it common behavior for the dog’s master to press the dog’s nose into the offending spot? Do we think the dog couldn’t smell it from the Exxon station up the street? And exactly why do we refer to them as dumb animals?
Of all of the happy puppy behaviors – their favorite is to follow their nose. They press their wet, shiny proboscis to the grout line or that infinitesimally tiny crack where the tile meets the door jam to find the smallest grain of a zwieback biscuit despite the fact that no child has been teething in this house for over thirty years. Actually, regrettabley I have a small teething body in my house at this very moment. Makes you realize why God did NOT give human babies the same functionality when they were newborns – as he has given to puppies. Can you imagine if you put your newborn in the crib and soon as you turned your back the child was out, down on the floor sniffing his way to some delicious treat that got stuck in the fabric of the carpet in 1979? Low pile carpet holds a vast amount of treats for puppy noses, and little sharp puppy teeth know how to root them out. Now I know why they call it pile carpet, because a scattered pile is all that is left when puppy unconsciously and mechanically takes a fancy to it. Those little razor sharp ivories systematically shred and then, discard both warp and woof.
Just one more thing is giving me an itch in the nether regions of my gray matter. And that is pet toys. I have grown children, so I am embarrassed to recall a number of Christmases, and birthdays where they received from friends and family an outrageous amount of gifts. Stuff, lots of stuff. Stuff they never asked for and stuff they didn’t want or need. Their Grandparents spent the gross national product of many a third world country on stuff. But like normal boys they wanted to play in the largest box. You know the one that was discarded with the hundreds of dollars of ribbons, bows and Christmas wrap. Yes, go ahead and laugh…you know it’s true.
So it is with puppies. Nylabones, rope toys, stuffed toys, squeaky toys, bouncy toys, and balls are discarded, and ignored. The government accounting office would need several days, and their best accountants to ring up the cost of puppies countless and costly playthings.
My darling little Liesel. Want to know what her favorite toys are?
My right flip flop, and a piece of wood.
So, if you’re in the market for some really lovely chew toys, my advice is to stay out of Pets Mart. Seriously go to your local Home Depot and pick up a bag of BBQ smoking wood. They have hickory, cherry, apple, mesquite; flavor doesn’t really matter. Then go to your dollar store and get a cheap pair of flip flops. It would be especially great if you only wore them in the chicken coop for a couple of months to give them some chew-able flavor. A treat that is impossible for puppies to resist.