18 – Coming of age

Must be in full rebellion because I refused to swallow my required 10 gel caps of SP this and 9 gel caps of SP that.  I really wonder what taking 19 gel caps a day for days on end does to the intestines.  I have suffered a few bouts of diverticulitis in the past, and can witness to you that it is not a whole lot of fun.  For those who can bear with me; diverticulitis is when the wrinkles in the intestines get some bit of food that stays overnight.  The food doesn’t move down and out as per design, but instead takes up residence and starts it’s own fermentation laboratory. This is very unpleasant for the land owner, and it usually requires a visit to the doctor or sometimes the hospital.  In the past I’ve only had to see a doctor to get an antibiotic that attacks and evicts the bad seed. Years ago they thought that strawberries, or small seeds were the direct cause, but with the medical advances in doctor’s brains this last few years, they now admit that the strawberries, and the nuts are not the culprit, and they don’t know what is.

I wonder what the long term outcome is with the numerous gel caps people gobble down in these vitamin, minerals, and anti-one thing or another days of searching for a self medicated fountain of youth .  I haven’t had any symptoms of diverticulitis since I’ve been on the detox, but I have had strange sounds and unusual goings-on down in the lower bowel. I am reminded of the prize fight announcer who always bellows in to the microphone, whilst in the middle of the ring: “Let’s get ready to RUMBLE!” Perhaps, you are saying, “dude, you are detoxing your liver and your bowel, what else would you expect but a few rumbles?” And you would be right.  At least the gel caps disappear, unlike corn.

Which brings up another question.  If the human body can not digest corn, why do we feed it to our livestock?

So, for the last 18 days I have had no:

  • Coffee
  • Dairy
  • Grains
  • High sugar content fruit
  • Peanut Butter
  • High Fructose Corn Syrup
  • Artificial colors or dyes
  • Nuts
  • Seeds, with the exception of Quinoa
  • Chocolate
  • Starchy vegetables, with the exception of two yams in three weeks.

I have to tell you I feel pretty great.  Sure there have been some crappy days.  The first day with the beet shake comes to mind, and day 5 I was not feeling all that swift.  There have been days of muscle fatigue, and lightheadedness.  The first few days I had headaches, but by and large it has been a good journey, and I feel much healthier than the day before I started.  I know I’ve brought out a lot of negative things, but these are symptomatic, and vastly more important is the overall feeling of “wellness or well being” that so tangible, so palatable; it’s almost spiritual.


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Update #17

Weary, not worn out weary.

But after almost three weeks of this Standard Process detox, I am starting to get a hankering for a food group other than vegetables and protein shakes. The shakes have been a challenging learning experience, but it wasn’t all that difficult to find a combination that is palatable. I mean, I am not going to start drooling in the future, every time I hear the vitamix grind the ice cubes, but I have learned to be content with the shake as a food group.
There are a number of foods I am beginning to see in my mind’s eye:  Refried beans with melted cheese, salsa, and sour cream is just one of those things. A batch of salty corn chips would go nicely with this vision. While I enjoy having an occasional sweet potatoe now, a real heap of russets, reds, or Yukon Gold’s would be really nice. I guess I’m a self-confessed starch-aholic. Carbs, man, carbs.

Perhaps the problem with my life is that I am over-carbureted. Too much fuel for the engine to handle. The unburned stuff gets left in the tank.

So, yet another typical day: I did manage to have a piece of salmon that expressly said on the label in big red letters “Remove product from package before thawing“.  “Before” being the operative word.  As Murphy’s law would dictate, that particular phrase was not recognized, processed, and decoded by my brain until after the product was thawed.  It smelled fine as I was pan frying, but a taste test proved the validity of the warning. It had a distinct plastic-y taste that was just plain nasty. I solved the problem by shredding it into my steamed cabbage and broccoli. I should have just tossed it, but I wasn’t about to waste the protein.  No after or side effects, and I am grateful for that. Plastic is not a food group for a reason.

That’s it. Tomorrow is Sunday and the busies day of the week for me.  Need to get some rack time, so I can shine in the morning.

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Ramming Speed – Day 16

Certainly I felt better today than yesterday. Woke up without muscle fatigue, and that was a great plus.

Made a shake for breakfast; triple berry from Costco was the primary ingredient. Did have a bout or two of lightheadedness between 9 A.M. and noon. I checked my blood pressure and it was fine at 125/79. That’s been my new normal since resuming all my medications. That’s been awhile now, and I seem to have less headaches and such with the BP under control.

I can’t help but wonder if the lightheadedness is not because of this detox and whatever interaction it is having with the BP meds. Since my pressure is reading normal, I suppose I can’t really point a finger in that direction.

Had lunch rather late – around 2 P.M. By then all the lightheadedness had disappeared. Made a nice little stir fry with cabbage, cauliflower, onions, and yellowfin tuna. I was surprised to find out that tuna is not as fatty as salmon, no, not by a long shot. Calories, carbs, and protein are pretty close. Salmon has 25 fat grams per 6 oz portion, Yellowfin for the same portion size has 1. Yeah, could have hit me with a brick. The fish that they want you to eat on this detox are all deep water fatty fish. ie Salmon, Sea Bass and Cod. I’m sure that is not for the protein content, but for the fat content, and possibly the omegas.

Dinner was Quinoa with Olive Oil, and Balsamic. All in all I did pretty well today getting up closer to my caloric goal, went over a bit on the carbs, and fell pretty short on the fiber. The goal for fiber is 30 grams, and I am under by 10 grams. You would think with all the cruciferous vegetables I have been consuming that fiber would not be off that much.

I believe I got my fair share of water today, and even managed a bike ride this evening as the sun was sinking low. The temps were hot, but when the bike starts to move the breeze causes a coolness that makes is seem less. They are calling for a temp of 110° on Monday. Oh, happy day. How fast will I have to ride to get a cooling breeze out of that?

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Day XV

Arose from my bed late, and started in on the laundry.  Every movement was made with great effort, the muscle fatigue caused me to stop what I was doing and just sit down.  It honestly felt like a case of the flu, except without the fever, the upset stomach, and the sinus activity.  Praise God for small favors.  I googled my symptoms, and after crossing the first few probable causes off my list I decided I had under consumed sufficient calories to keep my body out of starvation mode.

There seems to be a nasty delicate balance between eating too much, and not enough.  If I eat too much, I retain weight, if I eat too little, I retain weight because the body thinks it’s being starved.  A starved body will attempt to stave of death by storing everything that’s consumed.

I decided to take some vitamin D, and eat some avocado, tomatoes, garlic, onion, lime juice, topped with chopped cilantro.  I tried eating it on celery to get that crunch sound similar to that which would be made by eating it on corn chips.  That didn’t work out so well, as the celery was so stringy, I hacked up a celery ball…so I abandoned the celery and took up with a spoon.  No crunch, but an effective tool none the less.  If you are in a bad bout of muscle fatigue it should be your weapon of choice.  The faster you can deliver the goodness, the faster the recovery. Err, that’s my theory.

Now I’m starting to think about planning what I will make as my first meat on day 22.  Eggs? Maybe a veggie omelette?


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Day 14

Had a shake for breakfast, a stir fry for lunch, and quinoa and pickled cucumbers for dinner.  And a Haas Avocado for my snack.

I really am enjoying the cucumbers.  I peeled it, and sliced it into 1/4 to 1/8 inch thick rounds.  Dumped them in an empty jar with a couple of cups of balsamic vinegar.  They have been sitting in the fridge for a few days, so tonight I thought I would try a couple.  Not exactly a Lay’s potato chip, but I did have to go back for a few more.

Nothing shaking around here.  The weight loss stalled again today, but I am not going to sweat that.  If you want to sweat  something; We’ve been under a high heat alert for the last couple of days. Not officially summer, but we’ve already been in the high 100’s.  Time to get out the travel brochures.

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T minus 8: the synopsis of day 13

I sort of pigged out today.  I refused to make a shake, and I ate salmon three times.  Ghastly, I know. I also made a big pan of quinoa, and ate 3/4 of a cup of it as well.  I made a small amount of stir fry with onions, cabbage, red pepper, celery, ginger, broccoli, cauliflower, and salmon. If it was such a small amount, why do I have a quart bowl filled with the leftovers?

I went a bit over my caloric allowance for today, but I seriously doubt that it will permanently damage my reputation.  I still ate within the guidelines of the program, with the exception of the third helping of fish. I gulped down all my supplements, and got plenty of water. As I mentally review my eating, I don’t believe I ate any fruit today, unless you count the craisins I threw in the stir fry. They actually fell out of the cupboard while I was searching for the turmeric. It was as if they were destined to be apart of my dinner.  Who was I to deny them?

In conclusion: This is day thirteen, and I’ve lost thirteen pounds.  Tomorrow marks the beginning of the last 7 days on this Standard Process detox.  Hopefully not only will I drop a couple of more pounds, but I will continue to feel this way – which is amazingly good. I may need to expand into uncharted territory with some new, and different vegetables.  I mean, kohlrabi? Really? What is that? Sounds like an Arabian department store to me. 

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What day is it?


It’s day twelve.

Went grocery shopping today.  I spent pretty much the whole trip in the produce department.  As I was unloading all my greens on the checkout belt it looked like I was only buying things in plastic bags.  It was nearly an embarrassment, people know I shop at this store because of the gas rewards, but to the untrained eye it may look as if I am trying to hoard as many plastic produce bags as I can.  I also bought some lamb and pork from the meat department, but the rest of the store had nothing for me.  I no longer spend time in the middle aisles, or the bakery. And the dairy aisle is a mystical land, distant and unvisited. Perhaps, one day in the not too distant future I will venture there again. Well, if I win the lottery.  Beef and dairy are so expensive.  No wonder the major banks have set up offices in grocery stores.  Now you can get a loan to buy some yogurt, or a 30 year mortgage on a grass fed steak.

I downloaded the list of the “dirty dozen” fruits and vegetables for 2014.  This, of course, is the list of the most pesticided, herbicided, and fertilized crops available in a store near you. The crops, not the list. If I am going to be eating mostly vegetables and fruits, I want to at least, eat the cleanest and safest ones I can obtain.  Not hard to google the list if you at all care.  Hey, who knows what lurks in the systems of our “green and yellow buddies”¹? I can never stop wondering when I choose to buy organic if what I am actually purchasing is a bag of wool that has been pulled over my eyes.  Trust the food industry? Trust honesty in labeling? What have we come to in our society today?  I never thought I would say this but I miss the days when my Mom would say: “Eat it. It’s good for you.”






green and yellow buddies¹ from an old and very weird song by Frank Zappa.

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And then it was day 11

Today is the day I have been looking forward to since I began this 21 day journey.  Yes, it is only day 11, and day 21 is still 10 days away.  Day 11 is, as you should know, the day when meat is introduced back into the diet.  Sure, not lunch meats, or bacon or sausage, but ounces of beef, chicken, pork or fish. Having removed all food groups from my meals and subsisting on greens, vegetables, and fruits has not been all that difficult.  As I’ve said before, my wake-up routine is no longer a bleary eyed search for a cup of coffee.

After day 21 I can begin adding back in the grains, dairy, and other foods that have been absent from the smorgasbord of fine dining. I’m not all that certain that I will bring grains back at all.  I realize I did not lose but 2 lbs of body weight by going grain free in the three weeks before starting the Standard Process cleanse.  Perhaps I am not gluten intolerant, but I absolutely know I am not glutton intolerant when it comes to bread, rolls, pancakes, waffles, or anything made out of flour. I love bread. I was thinking just tonight as I polished off the last bits of salmon that were in the bottom of the salad bowl.  There they are swimming in that oil and vinegar dressing, wouldn’t it be grand to have a big fist of sourdough to rapture the remains.

I’m also rather fond of eggs.  Eggs and toast, eggs and sausage on toast, eggs and bacon with toast, eggs and mashed potatoes and chorizo (toast optional). Fried, poached, scrambled, omelettes, frittatas, hard boiled any ole way, they stand alone or go with anything and everything.  Very versatile and very nutritious. So, I’m thinking eggs may be the first of several dairy products that will be appearing.  All this is theoretical until I receive the results of my food allergy tests.  I don’t know if I will have those results before day 21 or not.  If not, then I’ll punt.  One of the purposes of a 21 day detox is to slowly introduce select foods back into the diet and to observe what effect it has on the system.  Kind of like playing Russian Roulette, but with less chance of loud bangs, the smell of gun powder, and rorschach looking blood spatter.  That’s not to say there isn’t a possibility of an allergic reaction. I just think with all the years of experience of eating various foods, it’s not likely I am going to go into Anaphylactic shock by eating normally. And normally for me doesn’t include blow fish, sushi, or tripe. Sushi in my house is referred to as “bait”.

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Deca dense

So Day Ten is pretty unremarkable.  Ate veggies for breakfast, chopped half a beet and added it to my quinoa for lunch, and had a shake for dinner.  Snacked on a honey covered banana.

Nothing new or earth shattering to report.  The day has gone along fine. It’s as if I am falling into a new routine.  Have not been bothered with overwhelming hunger pangs, not have I had any really nasty symptoms.  I don’t know what to attribute those things to, but I will happily accept the continued weight loss, the new belt notches I have achieved, and the looseness of my watch band as signs of progress.  These things are also a great encouragement.  As I have said in the past, it can be massively discouraging when effort is not repaid with progress.

I discovered several ziploc bags in my freezer that may or not be salmon.  Whatever they are, they are now in the fridge doing a slow defrost.  If all goes according to plan I will pan fry a couple filets tomorrow for one or two meals and see how my body responds to a portion of non-powdered protein.

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Day Nine (and things are fine)

Despite living a long life of meat, potatoes, bread and peanut butter, and having the bodacious body to show for it, the changeling I have become seems to thrive, yes, even enjoy this plant based approach to the nutritional side of life.

If you would have told me nine days ago that I would be consuming mostly green foods, and not be a prisoner in Sheriff Joe’s place, it would have sent your credibility to a subterranean new low. For those of you not familiar with Maricopa County’s Sheriff; he feeds or has fed his inmates bologna sandwiches, and occasionally the bologna is green. He also took away their coffee, and their girlie magazines.  It is jail, after all.

Took my morning shake late today, as I went to my new naturopath. I wanted to be able to get some fasting blood work done if needed.  I had a real nice hour long chat with him. That’s more time talking to a doctor than Ive spent in ten years of appointments with an m.d. I am pretty satisfied that the time he spent with me is going to help get some of my symptoms cleared up.  I did sit for a blood draw. Let me tell you that I have the smallest, hardest to find capillaries of any Neanderthal currently on this pretty blue ball.  My lab tech today was outstanding. Drew blood on the first stick.  Of course he then proceeded to fill up a number of glass tubes.  I specifically asked for a food allergen panel.  My doctor specifically wanted and ordered a candida set.  He feels, with what I told him, that I have too much yeast.

Mineral, Wa

The farm

Seems like I heard something similar about 55 years ago from my Grandmother.   When my brother and I were children and spending the night at the farm…there was no heat upstairs in that old farm house.  My brother and I slept in the same bed. I think Mom put about sixty or seventy quilts on us.  The sheer weight was paralyzing. We could not have gotten out of bed if the boogie man showed up in full regalia and began singing and moonwalking like Michael Jackson.  In the morning someone would come rescue us, and my brother would be covered with teensie little bug bites. I would have zero.  Hence, the wise words of my Grandmother. “You’re too sour”.  Maybe my yeast problem is a life long problem diagnosed by my Grandmother.

I was happy, very happy to see the scale move down again today. After remaining unmoved yesterday, it was quite a relief. I would hate to think I would be committing myself to this nutritional life if it didn’t pay dividends in the weight loss column.

So the next milestone is still this coming Sunday, June 1st.  That will be day eleven and the day when a bit of meat is allowed.  Guess I’ll either have to shop, or defrost.  I know I have some salmon in the freezer, just not sure how snow packed it is.  Maybe it’s time to hitch up the team and “mush” like Sgt. Preston of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. He was quite a detective and he and his dog “King” always closed the case. But speaking of the Nor’easter like estate of my glacial ice flow – I have no doubt about the “who done it”, it’s more a mystery of “What is it?”

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